Are you pleasing everyone else in your life?
Pleasing everyone else except yourself?
Are you at the bottom of your priority to do list?
Do everyone else’s needs get met way before your needs do?
Have you tried time and time again to prioritise yourself but life, family obligations and guilt gets in the way of prioritising yourself?
There is nothing wrong with helping others providing that you are not constantly not placed others needs ahead of your own. Never finding the time and energy for the things that you love, enjoy and perusing your dreams.
People Pleasing is defined as an intense need to please or care for others and is deeply rooted in fear of rejection and/or fear of failure and a need to be needed.
People Pleasers want everyone around them to be HAPPY!!
Putting everyone else’s needs ahead of their own!
I so get it, I was a people pleaser. With low self-esteem I had created a pattern of always putting the needs of others before my own; in fact, I didn’t even really know what my innermost needs were anymore. These were the seeds of ‘co-dependency’ and ‘enabling’ that started to manifest themselves in my life. I was so busy moulding myself to be whatever somebody else wanted me to be; busy trying to please everyone. I was the perfect example of a people pleaser, sacrificing my time, energy and resources for others.
People Pleasers often:
- need to prove their worth
- are afraid people will reject them
- feel guilty saying NO
- have low self-esteem
- feel that their needs are less important than others.
- are taken advantage of.
So where does this people pleasing behaviour come from?
Well people pleasers usually start out as parent pleasers. They have a fear of rejection that “If I don’t do everything I can to make this person happy they might leave or stop caring for me” This often comes from early relationships where love was conditional or where you were rejected/abandoned by an important person in your life (a parent left or was emotionally unavailable or inconsistently available).
Fear of failure is underlying feeling that “If I make a mistake, I will disappoint people and/or be punished”. This comes from early experiences of severe punishment for even small mistakes. Highly critical parents can create significant patterns of anxiety in their children that can last a lifetime.
These are some strategies you can use to stop the people pleasing behaviours that are holding you back from fulfilling your own needs, wants and dreams:
- Realise you have a choice.
- Set your priorities and healthy boundaries.
- Consider if you are being manipulated.
- Learn to say NO with conviction – and without agonising guilt.
- Detach from other people’s opinion of you.
- Learn to assertively communicate.
It’s time to become your own best friend and start doing some of the things that please you. If you are struggling with letting go of this often ingrained behaviour seek supportive help.
It’s time to stop being a people pleaser and start to do things to please yourself!
